Sex Advice

Dear Dr. Locker: I like every part of my body except my breasts. They are quite saggy while the rest of my body is toned and muscular. I never want to take off my bra in front of a man. Am I the only twentysomething with this problem? Is there anything I can do to get over this?

Answer from Dr. Locker

Most twentysomething women have body images issues, and it is very common for women to dislike the way their breasts hang. You should try hard to improve the way you feel about them!

1 -- Realize that you can find ways to accept your breasts, if you stop thinking of the way they hang as a bad thing. Breasts sag. Any guy who doesn’t realize this has just been looking only at women with high implants, or at too much porn. Porn doesn’t show what breasts really look like, because the photographer goes to great lengths to prop up the breasts (such as by having the woman put her hands over her head). Gravity just pulls breasts down, and you should realize that it’s just nature. You need to reframe how you think about the way your breasts hang. Stop thinking of them as “saggy” and start thinking of them as “natural” or as “relaxed” or as “feminine”.

2 -- Stop compartmentalizing your body, and see it as one whole unit. Your whole body is beautiful. If you start to think about your breasts, then stop and tell yourself that you must think of your whole body. You love your body as a whole, and that includes your breasts.

3 -- Realize that any man is lucky to see your breasts and your entire nude body. You are giving him a great gift by showing him. Allow yourself to feel that what you have is precious and wonderful, and he will love it no matter what. Most guys do not notice the things that women think they notice anyway. If you do not mention your breast issue to him, and instead you flaunt your breasts to him to show him that you love them he will love them, too!

4 -- Beyond just adjusting your attitude about your breasts, you can find a bra that your breasts look great it, and it is fine to sometimes wear one during sex. OF course, all the other things that I have suggested are to help you get over your insecurity and stop hiding your breasts. But if you truly love the way your breasts look in a bra, then it can help you love them in general, too! Shop for a gorgeous yet very supportive bra with an underwire. In most major department stores’ bra department, there will be someone who can help you find a good fit, and you have to try a lot on to see which one will fit best. Insist on buying a bra that is also sexy. Start with trying on a lacey bra with a bit of cleavage and an underwire. If you have large cup size, try the lace Wacoal Arabesque Bra # 85199. Go for a sexy black bra, or a great color like blue or red. You may also like a solid molded up bra with an underwire, like Le Mystere Tisha #9955. If you have a smaller cup size, try: Vanity Fair Body Shine Demi Contour Underwire Bra #75208, or Hanky Panky Contour Demi Underwire Leopard Bra #505T. I should mention that I do not have any connection to those or any bra companies. They are just suggestions of styles that might work. If those exact bras don’t work for you, then keep trying, because others will.

4 -- Realize that the last thing you should be thinking about during sex is what your breasts look like. Enjoy the feelings in your body and focus your thinking on those feelings – not on what you think he might be looking at. If you start obsessing about what he might think of your breasts, tell yourself STOP. Then think about exactly where you are feeling pleasure.

Copyright © Dr. Sari Locker