Sex Advice

Dear Dr. Locker: I'm a guy who can get off just fine on my own and during oral sex, but for some reason I am unable to climax during intercourse. Is there something wrong with me, and how can I change?

Answer from Dr. Locker

Perhaps your penis prefers the feeling of your hand or her mouth. Or it could be that you feel inhibited by the risks of pregnancy or diseases, or by the emotional intimacy of ejaculating during intercourse. If your psychological issues seem deeply rooted, then a therapist can help.

To try to get over this on your own, find a partner who you trust and love, use condoms to reduce your risks, and try to get the stimulation you need. Experiment to find positions in which her vagina may feel tighter, such as from behind or maybe sitting. When you know those positions, use your hand get very close to orgasm, until the last minute when you enter her vagina to climax. Or alternate between your hand and intercourse off and on until you are about to climax and then force yourself to finish with intercourse. If she’s willing to play these ways, then you may be able to have orgasms during intercourse after all. Be sure to tell her: “it’s not you it’s me.”

Finally, remember that everyone enjoys sex differently. If you and she are happy with the way things are, then you should not pressure yourself to change. Perhaps you will change in your own time, or maybe you'll be happy just the way you are.


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