Sex Advice

Dear Dr. Locker: When I perform oral sex on a man, I don't know what to do with him semen. Spit, swallow? How? Why? Does he care?

Answer from Dr. Locker

If you are performing oral sex on a man, you have to decide for yourself where you want him to ejaculate. If you don't want him to ejaculate in your mouth, let him know, or when you sense he's close to ejaculation, take your mouth off of his penis and "finish him off" with your hand. Then have him ejaculate on the sheets, or on clothing, or in a towel or tissue -- or on himself or on you.

If he ejaculates when his penis is in your mouth, then you have to determine whether you are going to spit it out or swallow it. The first issue should be the issue of safer sex. Having semen in your mouth, or swallowing it, carries the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. If you want to be totally protected from STDs and HIV, then you should be using a condom on the man during oral sex. Yet if you absolutely know that your partner is HIV negative and has no STDs (which is not always easy to be sure of), you may choose to have him ejaculate in your mouth or swallow his semen. If you are not sure whether he has any STDs, then do not risk it. Either use a condom the entire time you have oral sex, or don't let the end of his penis in your mouth at all (because even pre-cum can carry diseases), or just pull away before he ejaculates. If you do decide to let him ejaculate in your mouth, it should be only because you want to, not because you think you should.

Some men report that it feels better to have mouth-to-penis contact while they're having an orgasm from oral sex. Men sometimes say that they feel more "accepted," or even more loved, if their partner swallows their semen. You could talk to your partner about this to find out how he feels about it. If you decide to swallow, it's usually easiest to let the semen pool in your mouth as your partner is ejaculating, and wait to swallow until after he's finished. But make sure that this is what you want to do, and you are not putting yourself at risk for any diseases.

If he ejaculates in your mouth and you do not want to swallow, just find a place to spit it out discreetly. Remember, the expression "spitters are quitters" is just not true! In fact, spitters can be winners because you should always be making your sexual choices based on what you think is best for your health and happiness.

For more info, see my answer to this question: *Does semen contain a lot of calories? Does it always taste the same?

Copyright © Dr. Sari Locker