Sex Advice

Dear Dr. Locker: Every time I take a shower, I hear my husband on the phone. Then he refuses to tell me who he calls. Do you think he's having an affair?

Answer from Dr. Locker

I don't know. Surely, it is common that when someone is having an affair he (or she) tries to find private moments to talk to his (or her) mistress. But I have no way to know if your husband is talking to a person with whom he is having an affair, or if he's planning a surprise party for you. In fact, I could think of a dozen other secrets that he could be keeping, and I am sure you can too. The fact is that this is bothering you, and you need to either trust him, or find out the truth. Please talk to your husband about this again. Tell him that it is important to you that you and he do not have secrets, and you would like an honest answer about who he's calling when you are showering. If he still refuses to give you any indication about why he makes calls when he knows you can not hear, then you can either give him more time to come around to telling you -- or you can suggest to him that you see a therapist together. You can tell him that seeing a therapist or marriage counselor together would not mean that you are sure he is cheating, but it would mean that you are confused about how you can learn to trust him, and how you and he can talk more hosestly with each other -- and you'd like a professional to help you learn how you can both do that. Good luck.


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