Sex Advice

Dear Dr. Locker: I have never had an orgasm. I tried the tips you wrote about in the advice area of your site. However, when I try my clitoris becomes too sensitive and painful. What do you recommend?

Answer from Dr. Locker

Perhaps you are trying to use too much direct pressure on your clitoris. For some women, a lot of direct clitoral stimulation could cause a feeling of discomfort in their clitoral area that they may describe as stinging, tickling, aching, or mild pain. If you think this may be your issue, then try some of the following techniques during masturbation:

■ Rather than rubbing direclty on top of your clitoris, try rubbing a little above, or below, or to the side of it.

■ Try stimulating your clitoris through the thin piece of skin that may cover the top of the clitoris, the “clitoral hood,” rather directly on the clitoris.

■ Try reducing the amount or duration of direct clitoral contact, or stimulating intermittently, rather than continuously.

■ Try a little less pressure, and try it in a circular motion, rather than rubbing hard back-and-forth on it.

■ Try masturbating on top of your panties.

■ Try using a low-speed vibrator on top of your panties.

■ Try rubbing your clitoris on a pillow, by putting the pillow on the bed and getting on top of it.

All of those techniques would provide less direct simulation. If you don’t think that your issue is about the level of stimulation, then it could be more of a psychological issue. Perhaps you need to relax, fantasize, and allow your body to get into it, rather than trying to force it. Having an orgasm for the first time is not easy, and one of the biggest factors is the ability to relax, focus on pleasure, and let go. Also, it’s very much a process of trial and error, so keep at it, and eventually it will happen.

I must add that if the pain increases, or occurs when you are not stimulating your clitoris, then you should see your doctor to discuss the pain, as it could indicate an infection or nerve problem.

Please write back to me to let me know how it’s going, and if you need more advice.

For anyone who wants to read the orgasm tips that you mentioned in your question, please click on this page: *Tips to Have An Orgasm.


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