Sex Advice

Dear Dr. Locker: My girlfriend doesn't like porn. Is there anything wrong with my looking at it without her?

Answer from Dr. Locker

Many people love using porn to get aroused, either when alone or during sex with their partner. And while it would probably be fairly easy to use it when your girlfriend’s not around, you might want to consider asking her why she dislikes it so much. Try to understand her feelings about it. Perhaps she’ll tell you she finds extremely graphic images a turn-off, in which case there are plenty of alternatives (check for woman-friendly options like videos produced by Candida Royalle). If she finds all pornography a turn-off, that doesn’t mean you have to deny yourself completely. Explain to her that you want to view it by yourself on occasion, reassuring her that it’s not due to some shortcoming in your own sex life, and it will not be on a frequent basis. Ask her to respect your choice and reassure her that you find her entirely sexy. It’s certainly more honest than saying you won’t use it anymore and then having her stumble across your stash or discover your Internet history.

That said, you should always make sure that sex with your girlfriend takes precedence over your use of pornography. If you find that you are using porn more often than you are having sex with her, then you and she need to explore the problem that you could have in your sex life.


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