The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Being Sexy

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Being SexyExcerpt from Chapter 16:
If You Want Me, Just Whistle—Using Sexiness to Initiate Sex

In This Chapter

  • Learning to seduce like you mean it
  • Flirting, teasing, and tempting your way to sexiness
  • Ways to make your body language say what you mean
  • Kissing and touching to heat things to a steamy climax

In seafaring folklore, it has been said that the bewitching sweetness of the song sung by the woman sirens was so outrageously tempting, sailors abandoned all navigational techniques to steer their ships toward that hypnotic sound and the promise of what lay behind it.

Of course, you don’t want your lover to smash into a bunch of rocks, but you do want to be so incredibly tempting that your lover will gladly go anywhere and do anything when he or she feels the lure of your charms. In this chapter, you’ll use all the lessons you’ve learned so far to become the ultimate tempter and keep them begging at your bedroom door.

Simply Irresistible

You know when the time comes to get down to business. Maybe you’ve been dating someone you simply can’t resist anymore and with whom you want to feel physically intimate; or maybe it’s been awhile since you and your significant other have had really great sex, or any sex at all. Or maybe you’re just tired of always being the one on the receiving end—maybe you want to decide that it’s time to do the deed and be the initiator for a change.

Whatever your scenario, it’s time to unleash your inner tempter or temptress. He or she is in there, maybe closer to the surface than you realize. You just need a few lessons (or maybe just a refresher course) in the ways of seduction.

Like any fine art, the dance of seduction has its own techniques, which can be adapted to your own style once you figure out which you are most comfortable with. There are several ways to go about it. You can choose one, some, or all. Sexual temptation can be broken down into three main components:

  1. Intellectual seduction
  2. Physical seduction
  3. Seduction of the senses

The third component, seduction of the senses, has been thoroughly discussed in Chapter 13, “Sexiness Begins at Home: Creating a Sexy Environment,” so in this chapter, I’ll concentrate on helping you with the first two: seduction of the mind and the body.

Romancing the Brain: Sexy Techniques of the Mind

It all stems from that thing between your shoulders—if your brain isn’t turned on, the rest of you will remain sedately indifferent as well. Being sexy is about more than lace panties and hard bodies, it’s about having the right frame of mind as well. In order to tempt, lure, titillate, and seduce, you need to stimulate the mind as well as the body of the object of your desire.

Think about when you are watching a movie with a really hot sex scene. You aren’t having sex, but watching the scene probably gets you all hot and bothered. When trying to seduce someone intellectually, you are using ideas and words to turn up the heat. Whether it be innuendo or out-and-out directness, there are several techniques you can use to make your lover’s desire overwhelm you.

Sari Says

Movies are for more than entertaining: take a cue from some of these steamier Hollywood flicks to help you plan your own seductive scenes:

  • The Postman Always Rings Twice
  • The Unbearable Lightness of Being
  • The Big Easy
  • 9 ½ Weeks
  • La Belle Epoch
  • Risky Business
  • Fatal Attraction
  • Basic Instinct
  • Body Heat
  • Ghost
  • White Palace
  • From Here to Eternity

Just a Little Flirt

One of the first things we instinctually learn how to do as kids when we begin to discover our sexuality is flirt. Whether it’s a boy teasing a girl on the playground at recess, or the shy giving of a heart-shaped card on Valentine’s Day, flirting is our first introduction into doing something about mutual attraction.

I’ve heard both men and women say this same phrase countless times: “I’m a terrible flirt. I just don’t know how.” I don’t believe you don’t know how—you’ve just forgotten. Flirting has even garnered somewhat of a bad reputation: A “flirt” is a said to be a tease; someone who isn’t serious; someone who needs the attention of everyone to feel attractive. Sure, there are people who flirt to compensate for their own insecurities (see more about that in Chapter, 22 "Does Being Sexy Mean You Must Have Sex?"), but on the whole, flirting is simply a coy expression of attraction, of liking, of playfulness.

Flirting is also one of the best ways to lay the groundwork for initiating sex. There are lots of ways to flirt with the object of your desire. In Chapter 12, "Sexy Flirting Techniques,", I gave you all the details on how to flirt like a pro. So here, I will sum up the most important points for how to use sexy flirting to initiate sex. Following are some suggestions for techniques that are sure to get you off to a steamy start:

  • The art of conversation. One of the best ways to charm the object of your desire is through your words. You can be having a seemingly innocent conversation, but create an undertow of double entendres that gets you both thinking about things other than the topic at hand. Use spicy descriptions like sultry, sensual, juicy, hot, tempting, stirring, spicy, heated, and sticky. Drop in verbs like ache, yearn, long, and desire. For instance, take the following sentence: “Yesterday, I wanted to have a tomato salad, so I went to the store and bought some.” Ho-hum. Now, try it this way: “I had the most insatiable, aching appetite for a tomato salad yesterday. I went to the store and bought the juiciest beefsteak I could find. I could barely get my hands around it, it was so plump and firm.” You can see here how simply adding a few more descriptive words turns an ordinary salad into a mini passion play.
  • Pay attention. When you’re trying to tempt someone into your bed, the worst thing you can do is be distracted. It sends take-it-or-leave-it signals of disinterest. One of the best ways to subtly flirt is to pay rapt attention to the object of your desire. Make him or her feel like the fascinating center of your universe.
  • Do a little dance. There’s nothing more stimulating to the mind than music. Put on something slow and seductive (see the music listings in Chapter 12 for some ideas) and suggest that you take a spin around the floor. The combination the sultry sounds and physical closeness is an excellent way to get you both thinking about the way your bodies move together—and how they might glide into other activities in the bedroom.
  • Feed each other. Food is often a prelude to sex, especially to a romantic dinner. Where ever you are eating—whether it is over a candle light dinner in your living room, or at the food court at the mall—you can casually offer your lover a bite, then feed him or her. For an even more suggestive move, link arms and feed each other, or get one fork and one desert and give each other your bites. Whatever way you do it, feeding each other can add sensuality to your meal that can carry over into the bedroom.

Tease to Please

Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but abstinence makes the loins grow molten. I’m not talking about taking cold showers and holding out until the cows come home—that could mess up your sex life! What I mean is seductively teasing your lover all day, then finally letting your lover take you by the end of the day. You can really heat things to the boiling point. This particular technique will take some planning on your end, but it can get you both into such a frenzied state of mind, that the sex that follows is sure to be some of the most passionate you’ve ever had. To help you set the right mood, use the flirting techniques discussed in the previous section to help you suggest what’s to come at the end of the day.

Games People Play

There’s a scene in the movie Stripes in which Harold Ramis and Sean Young play a childish yet seductive game called “force field.” The object of the game is to get as close to each other without touching. The “loser” is the one who breaks the force field. Of course, Stripes isn’t exactly known as the romantic hit of the century, but that scene is a pretty hot example of how games can “innocently” break the ice and get you from thinking about having sex to putting your ideas into action. Of course, this doesn’t work for everyone, and you should try to feel out your partner to see if he or she is receptive to game playing. If your partner is game, try one of the following:

  • “Force field” (as just described).
  • “Strip” games. It doesn’t just have to be poker. Any simple board game can be turned into a contest in which the “loser” bares all. Remember the episode of the TV show Friends, in which they played strip Happy Days Game?
  • “Truth or dare.” You probably remember this one from school-trip bus rides. Turn it into the R- or X-rated adult version by asking suggestive questions of each other. (“Where have you always wanted to have sex but were too shy to ask your partner?” “What is your most heated sexual fantasy?” And so on.)