The Future of Sex: 21st Century Sex, New York Times Opinion
New York Times, Opinion, Freakonomics Blog
By Dr. Sari Locker
September 12th, 2008
How differently do Americans think about sex now compared with how they did 30 years ago? How do you predict sex will be perceived in 30 years? How should we ideally be looking at/treating sex?
By Dr. Sari Locker
In the 1970's, Americans perceived sex as exciting and offering the thrill of freedom. In the 1980's, we viewed it as a scary precursor to disease. In the 1990's, we were shocked but titillated as pop culture broke boundaries and exposed every type of sex imaginable. Now, in the 2000's, too often we see sex as a source of pressure and confusion.
Because of the oozing exploitation of sex on television, movies, magazines, books, and the internet, in the 2000's we've entered what I deem The Era of Sexual Pressure. Few Americans hold remnants of a sexually repressed, puritanical mindset that views erotic pleasure as sinful. Rather, they fear that their sex experiences are not daring enough! They worry that if they don't boost the intensity, their sex life will be about as exciting as Ned Flanders's.
Americans are falling prey to a sexually explicit culture that gives the impression that everyone -- from pop stars to average teenagers to so-called desperate housewives -- is enjoying outrageously wild sex all night long. Because the internet provides a constant tell-all and show-all of sexual interactions, fewer couples today explore and discover erotic pleasures together. Instead, they are spending more time alone online seeing what feels good to others, and they feel pressured to measure up to unrealistic standards. Many people may feel alienated from their bodies -- afraid of being sexual failures, disconnected from their partners, and shut off from their true sexual selves.
At the same time, they have access to quick fixes that allow them to hide from the real causes of their sexual dissatisfaction. Why analyze the reason behind a lost erection when there's Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra? When your email inbox is filled with promises of porn-star stamina, the warning label of an erection that last for hours sounds less like a medical side effect than a bonus feature.
In all my years as a sex educator, I've never seen such a huge gap between the reality of ordinary people's sex lives and the myths about sex from pop culture that they're taking to heart. The true challenge is to sort through the sexual "spam" that preys on anxieties, distracts individuals from discovering their unique desires, and blocks them from genuine intimacy with a partner.
To avoid a bleak sexual future, I'd like to see Americans develop healthier attitudes toward sex, free from the influence of pop culture and product promotions. Enough quick fixes, Internet porn, stripper poles, and Brazilian waxes. Creativity is great, but let's strive for balance by looking inward to develop positive sexual selves. Let's not wait decades to celebrate the simple pleasures of two people having a shared sexual experience and basking in the afterglow.
Copyright (c) Sari Locker, 2008.
Use of this article without permission from the author is a violation of federal copyright laws.
