Sex Advice

Dear Dr. Locker: I ejaculate too quickly, within about a minute or two, or sometimes only 30 seconds. How can I last longer?

Answer from Dr. Locker

PREMATURE EJACULATION is the most common sexual problem of men -- about 30% of men suffer from it at some time. But there are several tried-and-true clinically tested ways that you can delay ejaculation until you want to.

Overall, you need to learn how to be more in tune with your body and your excitement, and you need to learn to recognize when you’re about to ejaculate. Then you need to learn how to control or delay the process. The following techniques should be useful to help treat premature ejaculation.

STOP AND START TECHNIQUE – WITH COUNTING

You can try to treat your premature ejaculation with the counting and stop-start technique. It will allow you to learn how to pinpoint your level of sexual excitement, and keep it at a level that will give you pleasure without bringing you to the point of no return. To control ejaculation, a man must be able to recognize the feeling before the point of no return, and relax just enough that he does not reach the point of no return until he is ready.

Your sexual excitement increases as you get closer to orgasm. In order to understand how to control the level of excitement, first you have to label each level. Think of your sexual excitement as being on a scale from 0 to 10. Zero means that you don’t feel any arousal. Ten would be what you feel during orgasm. Try to get your body and mind to stay at an even level of excitement during sex (around level 7 or 8) without getting to the “point of no return,” which would be around level 9.

You can practice this technique while you’re masturbating:

-- Each time you notice that your sexual excitement has increased, label each stage with a number from 0 to 10. Try to figure out where 7 and 8 are for you.

-- When you feel like you’re getting near level 8 of arousal, slow down or stop for a few seconds, to try to bring it down a notch, remaining at or just below 7 so you don’t lose control and don't reach level 9, which would put you on the brink of orgasm. Keep yourself at your 7 to 8 level as long as possible, and stop or slow down to do this.

-- The best way to do this is to stop masturbating when you reach about level 8. Take a break for 30 seconds or a minute or so. Then start again when your excitement gets down to about 5 or 6. You should practice this at least several times each week, so that you eventually can masturbate for about 30 minutes without ejaculating until you’re ready. Once you’ve mastered these counting and stop-start skills, you can try the same sort of thing during intercourse.

When you’re having intercourse, stop thrusting and ask your partner to stop moving for a minute until your excitement mellows out a bit. You can also remove your penis from the vagina and change sexual positions to give yourself a little time to slow things down. Having an understanding partner with whom you can talk about this activity is helpful.

THE SQUEEZE TECHNIQUE

A more advanced technique is the squeeze technique. To do this, you still need to become familiar with the feelings that you get when you’re close to orgasm. Then, when you’re having intercourse and you feel very close to the point of no return, you should stop thrusting and tell your partner not to move so that your ejaculatory response is not triggered. Next, you or your partner should squeeze your penis using a thumb and one or two forefingers in one of two places: either at the very base, or at the ridge under the head of the penis. (If you need more instruction, you can see an illustration of exactly where to squeeze in my book, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex.) Putting pressure in either of these places will cause your excitement to decrease, and the feeling of getting close to ejaculation will be reduced.

For more information about other techniques that may work, please read more here:

* I have a problem with premature ejaculation. What works and what doesn't work to treat this problem?

If reading about these techniques is not enough to help you, then please seek the help of a trained certified sex therapist. Because this is a very common (and solvable) problem, you should not be embarrassed to get help. To find a choose a sex therapist, the following answer will help:

* How can someone find and choose a sex therapist?


Copyright © Dr. Sari Locker www.sarilocker.com