Cosmo

I was recently asked by the Cosmopolitan Sex Q & A column if there’s some sort of scientific reason why makeup sex (sex after a fight) is so hot. You can find a portion of my answer in the November 2014 issue of Cosmo. For more explanation, here’s my more detailed answer:

Think of makeup sex as hot monkey sex. The evolutionary roots of makeup sex come from our closest primate relatives: chimps. After they fight, chimpanzees who had been opponents reconcile by kissing and hugging. Bonobos, a unique variety of chimpanzees, actually have sex after a conflict almost as if they are showing their mate they will still be exciting lovers despite their fight. In fact, Bonobos are likely to mate for longer periods of time and in more creative positions. So we know, scientifically speaking, where makeup sex comes from, but why do so many people like it? A recent sex research study (of humans) revealed that there are almost as many reason for and reactions to makeup sex as there are people having it. Some people report that they still have aggressive feelings, so they have sex more aggressively. Others say that they want to smooth things over, by having loving sex. Still others report that they try to impress during makeup sex, which may be what’s going on in your bedroom. Your lover (particularly if he was the one at fault during the fight) may be trying to show you that he’s worth keeping around by pulling out all the stops and using his best sex moves. You may want to show him you appreciate it, so you bring your A + sex moves, too.

For more info, check out these sources to see the research mentioned:

I’m quoted in Cosmo this month:

In the other Sept. 08 Cosmo article that I am quoted in — “100 Crazy Sex Questions: Answered in 20 Words or Less” (p. 146-149) — I was asked to write exactly 20 words each to answer thirteen sex questions. Compulsive, but fun. Also, it was challenging to answer accurately enough in exactly 20 words. (This is what a “sex expert” does for fun on a Friday night.) Here are the questions they sent, with the actual 20-word answers I wrote.  (more…)

Cosmopolitan magazine quoted me in the new issue, September 2008, in two articles. The more interesting of the two is an article about having sex against the wall (p. 154-156). It took sheer genius by the writer to stretch that topic for a full article. I was interviewed extensively via email and phone about every aspect imaginable about how to have sex against a wall, what it would feel like to have sex against the wall, and how to improve sex against the wall. I had a silly exchange with my favorite Cosmo fact-checker when she asked me to okay the following quote: “Guys love to feel powerful, and since he has you pinned against the wall, he’s in complete control of the pace and depth of his thrusting.”  I asked her to change my quote to “Some guys…” instead of just “Guys…” because obviously not all guys love to feel powerful. The fact checker asked if they could make it, “Most guys…” I told her that I really wanted it to read “Some guys…” I need to make sure that weak guys everywhere have a voice. And sure enough, Cosmo honored my request. So to all of you guys out there who do not love feeling powerful: You’re welcome.

One more note on that story. Take a look at the headline. Notice anything odd? No sex position is naughty, so it’s a weird headline for a piece about sex-against-wall to begin with… But besides that. Notice anything else? Do you see the misspelling?

Cosmopolitan, September 2008, p. 154

Posted by Dr. Sari Locker