August, 2008

Today, I updated the “Questions of the Week” in my SEX ADVICE COLUMN .  Please check it out!

I updated the “Questions of the Week” in my sex advice column today (as I do every Monday, Wednesday, Friday). This week, there are new questions about nipples, sexually transmitted infections, the G-spot for men, and more. To find hundreds of other sex and relationship questions and my answers, be sure to “search” the archives of my sex advice column. Also, from that page you can “submit” your own questions for me to answer. Enjoy!

 (This photo was taken for my book “Sari Says.” Blouse: Pucci. Pants: H&M. Feather Pencil and Toe Rings: Claires. Authentic Egg Chair from the 1960s: Awesome!)

Posted by Dr. Sari Locker

Many terms have surfaced in the last few years to rename bisexuality and the fluidity of sexual orientation.  

On CNN, when we discussed “I Kissed A Girl (and Liked It),” as requested by the producer and host, I also began to discuss various words that are slang for “bisexual.” Keep in mind that some of these are considered offensive by some people in the GLBT community, and you should not try to label other people using these terms. Yet, in the spirit of keeping up with the lingo, here are additions for the sex slang glossary: 

• Fauxmosexual: Man or woman who has the appearance of the stereotype of a gay man or lesbian woman, but is heterosexual.
• Bi-curious:  Man or woman who is about a “one” on the Kinsey scale. He or she is primarily heterosexual, but occasionally is sexual with someone of the same gender, or at the very least fantasizes about the same gender. He or she does not completely identify as a bisexual.
• Heteroflexible:  Sometimes synonymous with bi-curious (above). Often refers to 17-21 year old girls and women who kiss another girl or woman in front of a group of guys to turn them on.
• Dance Floor Lesbian: Like heteroflexible, but only touches, kisses, makes out with other women sometimes, particularly in public.
• BUG, Bisexual Until Graduation: Man or woman who is sexual with both genders during college. Recently, this term has begun to also be used for high school students.
• LUG, Lesbian Until Graduation: Woman who is exclusively sexual with women during college. Recently, this term has begun to also be used for high school students.
• GUG, Gay Until Graduation: Man who is exclusively sexual with men during college. Lesser used term than BUG or LUG.

Define yourself; don’t define yourself. But no matter what, be true to and for yourself.

Posted by Dr. Sari Locker

The concept of a fluid sexual orientation has been around for decades.

On CNN today, we also discussed bisexuality. It is a commonly accepted idea in sexology that people are not always 100% homosexual or 100% heterosexual. In fact, sixty years ago, Alfred Kinsey conceptualized this in his landmark 1948 book Sexual Behavior in the Human Male where he presented his scale of sexual orientation. Kinsey informed us to not characterize people as either gay or straight, but rather as individuals who have certain amounts of heterosexual and homosexual experiences, thoughts, fantasies, attractions and desires. He also explained that sexual orientation should take into account past, present, and future ideas about one’s sexuality (not just behaviors), and that it may evolve or change throughout one’s life. The Kinsey Scale for Sexual Orientation is still the most used source for distinguishing different sexual orientations by describing the range of possibilities. The scale goes from 0 “exclusively heterosexual” to 6 “exclusively homosexual,” with bisexual at 3. Most people would not fit as either a 0 or 6, because most people have at least some occasional fantasies about both genders. A woman who has sex with her boyfriend, but also has fantasies about girls and kissed a girl (“and liked it” as Katy Perry sings) would probably be a 1 on the Kinsey Scale.

The Kinsey Scale for Sexual Orientation, Scanned from my first edition copy: Kinsey, A., Pomeroy, W., Martin, C.. (1948) Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. Philadelphia, PA: W. B. Saunders.

0- Exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual

1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual

4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6- Exclusively homosexual

 Posted by: Dr. Sari Locker

Today on CNN Headline News at 5 pm, I’ll be talking about the Katy Perry song, “I Kissed a Girl (and I liked it)”, and whether the song could pressure teenage girls and college women to be interested in same-sex kissing. Preview…

Most often when a teen girl or college women identifies herself as heterosexual, but chooses to kiss another girl or women, it is because she feels attracted to the other person, because she is striving to define her sexual orientation for herself, because she is curious, or because of any number of other personal reasons. Could they be pressured by a pop song? It’s possible, but unlikely. Possibly, and stereotypically, IF a woman feels any pressure to kiss someone of the same gender, then that pressure could be coming from a guy and alcohol could be involved – as depicted in Katy Perry’s song. Her catchy besong is not so troubling to me, but it’s the video that I find offensive. It’s anti-woman and anti-feminist. Katy Perry’s album is called “One of the Boys,” and that’s exactly what the “I Kissed a Girl” video is about. She is pandering to a male heterosexual fantasy to sell CDs. The video is not all bad. Some of it is sexy and sensual, and some images simply allude to sex, including Katy on a bed stroking a pussy cat. But the disturbing images are those in which her harem of black-lace clad women are depicted not as whole people, but rather in pieces – a shoulder, a leg, a neck — seemingly dismembered women. The still shot below is taken from the video.  The image is shown in the video just as it is here, with no context. She is not seen going under the couch, nor does she leave the couch. Is it a sexual joke that I’m missing? Are they just trying to come up with something “edgy” and unusual? Or is it solely intended to degrade women? Drop me a note if you have any thoughts on this image.

In the other Sept. 08 Cosmo article that I am quoted in — “100 Crazy Sex Questions: Answered in 20 Words or Less” (p. 146-149) — I was asked to write exactly 20 words each to answer thirteen sex questions. Compulsive, but fun. Also, it was challenging to answer accurately enough in exactly 20 words. (This is what a “sex expert” does for fun on a Friday night.) Here are the questions they sent, with the actual 20-word answers I wrote.  (more…)

Cosmopolitan magazine quoted me in the new issue, September 2008, in two articles. The more interesting of the two is an article about having sex against the wall (p. 154-156). It took sheer genius by the writer to stretch that topic for a full article. I was interviewed extensively via email and phone about every aspect imaginable about how to have sex against a wall, what it would feel like to have sex against the wall, and how to improve sex against the wall. I had a silly exchange with my favorite Cosmo fact-checker when she asked me to okay the following quote: “Guys love to feel powerful, and since he has you pinned against the wall, he’s in complete control of the pace and depth of his thrusting.”  I asked her to change my quote to “Some guys…” instead of just “Guys…” because obviously not all guys love to feel powerful. The fact checker asked if they could make it, “Most guys…” I told her that I really wanted it to read “Some guys…” I need to make sure that weak guys everywhere have a voice. And sure enough, Cosmo honored my request. So to all of you guys out there who do not love feeling powerful: You’re welcome.

One more note on that story. Take a look at the headline. Notice anything odd? No sex position is naughty, so it’s a weird headline for a piece about sex-against-wall to begin with… But besides that. Notice anything else? Do you see the misspelling?

Cosmopolitan, September 2008, p. 154

Posted by Dr. Sari Locker