sex and the media

Every day, men e-mail me to ask how they can treat their premature ejaculation. Click here for some of my advice on this topic. Premature ejaculation hinders many young men from fully enjoying their sex life. The guys in the following song, however, don’t mind it so much. “You say I’m premature, I just call it ecstasy.” (Of course, in reality their super-premature-spontaneous-emissions would be rare, and more often caused by medication or intense stress than by a grape or The Sixth Sense.) Let’s hope that SNL does not influence guys to leave their premature ejaculation untreated, now that Andy Samberg has made it cool! 

Today, I was on WHTU radio in Orlando, FL (on the phone from New York, of course).  The Dixon and Willoughby show challenged couples to have sex for 100 days straight, and they wanted to know my thoughts on that topic. With two books about sex marathons making the media rounds, it has become a hot topic. It’s amazing to me that pop media is pressuring people to have sex so much that this is now being called a new “trend.” Most people get bored and stressed if they feel pressured to have sex every night. Then again, couples report that even if they were not interested in having sex when they started it on a “required” night, once they did it for a few minutes it was pleasurable and they were glad they did it. The lesson is that you don’t need to try to have sex every night, but if your desire is waning, you may want to try having sex anyway and you might enjoy it. In the Sexual Response Cycle, desire is suppose to come before excitement; yet, in reality, it is possible to begin sex without feeling desire — and then your arousal may rise. You wouldn’t want to do that for 100 days, but maybe just once in a while. Give it a try sometime if you’re curious. No pressure.   

In the background of an international CNN broadcast about the bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers, two men (who were sent by the Howard Stern show) pretended to kiss and fondle each other. One of the men lifted his shirt while the other pretended to lick his chest. They never actually made contact, so it was obvious that it was a stunt.  It made me wonder: If two women had been playing this prank, particularly for Howard Stern, wouldn’t they have actually had mouth-mouth contact? Women kiss for Howard all the time. This helps illustrate that in our society sometimes “straight” men make fun of being gay when they want attention; whereas women may actually experiment with same-gender kissing for attention. It was kinda funny, though… 

Lynne Spears reveals in her new book that Britney lost her virginity at 14. Britney had previously said that she was a virgin until at least 18. At age 22, in 2003, Britney told W magazine, “I’ve only slept with one person my whole life. It was two years into my relationship with Justin, and I thought he was the one.”

None of this should be anyone’s business, but Britney’s. Yet, why is this pop culture gossip of interest to a sex educator? It has me thinking about the roles that parents play in their teens’ and twentysomethings’ sex lives, and the messages that this story gives about teen sex.

Teenagers should be made to feel that they can trust and confide in their parents about their sex lives if needed. Previous claims about Britney’s loss of virginity at 14 were only made by tabloids, such as 2007 US Weekly. Now her mother is divulging her stories. Is it possible that twentysomething Britney could have consented to allowing her mother to reveal these details? If Britney is, as reported, under a conservatorship by her father, then ethically gaining her daughter’s true consent would be unlikely. It was unethical for her parents to promote her as chaste to sell albums a decade ago, and also unethical to now portray her teen years as “troubled” to sell books.

Even more relevant to sex education: The timing of the release of Lynne’s book comes the same week that Gov. Sarah Palin made a choice to run for Vice President, thus bringing her pregnant daughter, Bristol Palin, under scrutiny. Both Lynne Spears and Sarah Palin have said that they believe that people should wait to have sex until marriage; yet, their teens did not wait. Maybe these stories could have a positive impact on Americans, illustrating that the abstinence-only message is not based in reality. In truth, 95% of Americans have sex before marriage, and this figure has been consistent for decades (Finer, 2007).

Speaking of a Jamie Lynn – Bristol connection: Lynne Spears denies reports that she had a baby gift sent to Bristol Palin, on behalf of Jamie Lynn. Her rep says there is no truth to the story that Jamie Lynn sent the following card: “Dear Bristol, Hang in there! XXOO, Jamie Lynn Spears.”

Photo from britneyfans.org

Legendary actor Ernest Borgnine, 91, has been making headlines for a hilarious little piece of a TV interview that is all the rage on You Tube. He appeared on the Fox News Channel to promote his new autobiography, and the host asked him the secret to his longevity. “I masturbate a lot,” the actor ‘whispered’ to the Fox host, loud enough for all of us to hear. This clip is great sex ed, because it promotes several very important (and too infrequently discussed) truths about human sexuality:

1. Masturbation has health benefits, such as lowering stress, and as research has found, lowering the risk of prostate cancer in elderly men.
2. Masturbation is normal for married people. Ernest B. has been married to his current wife for over 30 years.
3. Elderly people are still sexual! Even at age 91.

In case you missed it, take a look at this Oscar winning actor/Sex Ed Hero. Then if you are so inspired, take a break to enjoy making yourself live longer. The video is on youtube here.

Posted by Dr. Sari Locker

This graph is from a survey of 12-19 year olds, conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy (2003) in “Science Says: The Case for the Cautious Generation.” Only 2% of teens say their sex decisions are affected by the media, and 53% say that they are influenced by their parents or morals, values or religious beliefs. This is teens’ self-evaluation of what they think affects them. From my work with teens and parents, I believe this chart accurately reflects their greatest influences. Also the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy has a great fact sheet about this to help parents.