February, 2009

My Advice column on this site has new sex questions and my answers three times a week.

Here’s a recent Q & A from my Advice column:

Dear Dr. Locker, If I use a vibrator all the time, will it make sex less enjoyable for me?

Dr. Locker Says: Yes and no. If a woman relies on a vibrator in order to orgasm every time, then she may not be able to orgasm any other way — because her body gets so used to the electric stimulation. Will this make sex less enjoyable for you? Well, no, if you and your partner don’t mind that you’ll have to use the vibrator every time you want to orgasm when you are intimate. But if you want to be able to orgasm while you and your partner are being sexual, without having to use a vibrator, then you would most likely need to entirely stop using the vibrator to get over it, and to re-sensitive your body to your hand (or his hand, or rubbing on his body, or oral sex) in order to orgasm. It’s all a matter of what you find most enjoyable.

For many more sex questions and answers, browse or search my Advice column.

77% of pregnancies among single, educated women in their 20s are accidental.

With last year’s talk of Juno, the Gloucester girls, Bristol Palin, and Jamie Lynn Spears, the media focused on unintended pregnancy of teens. Today, another group is identified at serious risk for unplanned pregnancies: single twentysomethings. According to a new study, 77% of pregnancies among single, educated women in their 20s are accidental.

The study, commissioned by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, is reported in the new issue of Self magazine (with Taylor Swift on the cover). I am quoted in the Self article discussing common traits of some twentysomethings who are abivalent about their future plans, and thus about their birth control choices.

Twentysomethings are very much in need of sex ed. According to The National Campaign study, there are major gaps in the knowledge they have about birth control. For example, more than half say they don’t know about IUDs, Depo-Provera, diaphragms, or the contraceptive ring. Also, 64% do not know that emergency contraception is sold over the counter without a prescription.

The biggest problem is that 54% of sexually active non-monogamous singles surveyed, and 34% of sexually active monogamous singles surveyed, don’t use birth control every time they have sex. Of course, this is why they are getting pregnant. The vast majority of pregnancies are caused by not using or improperly using birth control. Only about 1 in 20 accidental pregnancies are caused by the failure of birth control. The study found that almost 60% of those surveyed underestimate the risk of getting pregnant from not using birth control. They don’t know that among couples who have sex regularly, 85% will experience a pregnancy within one year if they do not use contraception.

There is a huge disconnect for twentysomethings, when 80% believe that pregnancy should be planned, but then they do not use birth control every time they have sex. When I lecture on college campuses, college students often tell me that they take the risk of having unprotected sex, and I implore them to never do that again. If sex education were required in high school, and then again in college, then perhaps we’d launch a new generation of sexually educated twentysomethings. Until then, remind all of the people you know that if they do not want an accidental pregnancy, they must use birth control every time they have sex.

Bristol Palin, 18, decided to step into the spotlight this week with an interview by Greta Van Susteren on the Fox News Channel. Bristol claims that she wants to be an advocate for teen pregnancy prevention, saying, “I hope that people learn from my story and just, like, I don’t know, prevent teen pregnancy, I guess.”  She says that she thinks teens should wait ten years to get pregnant, because, “it’s so much easier if you’re married and if you have a house and a career and — it’s just so much easier.” She adds that teen pregnancy is not, “a situation that you want to strive for.” 

Bristol says that teen abstinence is “not realistic at all,” which shows progress in the political media discussions that began when her pro-abstinence mother, Gov. Sarah Palin, confirmed then-17 year old Bristol’s pregnancy last year. However, in the Fox News interview, when asked about her views about birth control Bristol declined to comment. She seems to want to be an advocate for teens avoiding pregnancy without explaining how they can do this. She also perpetuated the myth that teens today are more interested in having pre-marital sex than teens in previous generations. In fact, according to sex research for at least four decades about 95% of Americans have been having premarital sex.

Perhaps Van Susteren made Bristol defensive by asking her a personal question about why or if she did not use contraception (which she declined to answer). But, despite that, when asked how she could change the fact that teens have sex and may get pregnant, all Bristol could muster was a statement that she as a teen mom can scare teens into not having sex. No mention of the need for teens to use birth control or more effective sexual decision making methods, or for them to have comprehensive sex ed or better communication with their parents, or any other factors that truly could help teens avoid pregnancy.  

I certainly hope that Bristol does not try to speak to teens about pregnancy prevention until she learns how to discuss the use of birth control and condoms. Teens may be positively influenced by hearing about the profound challenges of teen parenthood from a teen mother. However, only telling teens how tough it is to be a teen mom won’t keep teen sperm from uniting with teen eggs.

Wishing you all a day filled with love and romance. — Sari

Here are ten (corny) ideas that I came up with for how to brighten up Valentine’s Day if you are single!  (more…)

I get many questions about women’s orgasms… How can a woman have an orgasm during sex? What does an orgasm feel like? How long does an orgasm last? How can a guy tell if a woman has had an orgasm, or if she is faking orgasm? Can all women have orgasms? How can a woman orgasm for the first time? To find this info on my site, check out these links.

On my “Articles” page, my article about The Female Orgasm.

From my “Advice” page, my answer to this question: How can women have orgasms during “regular” intercourse?

Also, my answer to this questison from my advice column: I have never had an orgasm. I am a 29 year old single woman. Do you have any tips for how to have an orgasm?

You can also search the “Orgasm” section of my “Advice” page for even more questions and my answers. Happy orgasms to all!